He repeatedly screamed at the top of his lungs, “Shut the _ _ _ _ up!!”, spitting in my face, as I did my best to hold this terrified 4-year-old stranger. His relentless violence toward me left me clueless of what to do, so I simply held him and prayed. He and his 3-year-old brother had just moved into our home. We were officially foster parents. A persistent cycle of stories of this sort would permeate our home for nearly fourteen years.

Do you want to know how best to come alongside those living in the world of foster-adopt parenting?

Be present.

Provide community.

I can say, that over those 14 years, no matter how lonely my wife and I felt, what helped us get through it was our church community. From California to Colorado to Georgia—every church community we have been a part of has come alongside us—walking with us, encouraging us, and supporting us in whatever needs we had at the time.

In 1 Thessalonians, the apostle Paul continually reminded his original readers that, amid their suffering, the thing that held them together was their community. In fact, he flat-out told them in chapter 2 that he personally had invested his life in them, sharing the very core of who he was with them, nurturing them as a mother does her newborn or as a father with his children, so that when the time came for them to be introduced to Jesus, they were ready.

In Philippians, Paul was not only in jail, but he believed he would soon be executed, when he penned one of  the most famous lines he ever wrote: “To live is Christ, but to die is gain.” He goes on to explain that, as much as he would love to go be with Jesus, it is better to stay and be physically present with them. He stated that his departure for heaven would not be helpful to them, and so he’d prefer to be there, physically present, walking with them through their difficulties so they could be encouraged by the hope found in Jesus.

Likewise, Paul opened 2 Corinthians talking about the amazing dichotomy between suffering and comfort. He exhorted the Corinthians to help one another by being physically present, asking for help, and praying, which will lead to thanksgiving for what God does to answer the prayers of so many. The local church has the power to impact the community that is suffering by providing comfort, not only through praying, but also by witnessing how God will answer those prayers.

Finally, physical presence is also a powerful picture of our being the very body of Christ to these families. Meaning, as the church, you are the physical representation of Jesus Himself. Just as the woman who had been bleeding most of her life was healed by touching Jesus’s outer garment in Matthew 9, you can provide healing to foster-adopt parents by your physical touch. Put faith in the Holy Spirit to use you in ways you do not understand, believing He desires you to be that “Jesus with skin on” presence in these parents’ lives. As Paul told the Corinthians, wait and see in thankfulness for how God is going to use you as you come alongside them.

Never forget—if there is one thing your foster-adopt parents need to know, it’s that they’re not alone. They have community. You are with them. You don’t have to have all the answers, even all the resources, but you do need to be present.

Through this, they will experience how God is faithful. They will know that God hears them, and they are not alone. They will know that they can trust God when He says He cares about the orphan by His body coming alongside them through the good, the bad, and the ugly. Not all of us are called to be on the parenting frontlines of caring for orphans, but we are all called to care for them.

As a Children’s Director, you are in a special place to come alongside these families and let them know they are not alone.

For my wife and me, we experienced this firsthand when our church came alongside us, letting us know we were not alone. They provided needed resources, yes, but also physical presence, walking with us through those hard years. And as we have moved on, God has shown us His faithfulness through the physical and emotional presence of His body.

The physical presence of the church community in our life has had a profound impact, and you can provide that same hope and encouragement to foster-adopt parents in your church family as well.